I’ll admit it. Life isn’t always sunshine and cupcakes. Maybe I had a misconstrued vision of how my 20’s were going to be, but what I’m currently going through wasn’t in the least bit how I thought they would turn out.

Marriage is great, don’t get me wrong. It’s just hard for someone who has constantly held her feelings in to feel like opening up to another person right on the spot. I’ve never had anyone who cared enough to ask more than once, so it wasn’t like it was something I needed to work on. I always felt alone because I always was alone.

But this is a reason why marriage is great. Having my husband have enough patience to ask me at least three times is only one of the reasons why I enjoy it so much. It’s a constant challenge, a constant growth factor. Always changing me, maturing me and growing me. He’s, by no means, perfect. And neither am I. We both realize that fact.

But it’s hard.

And it’s something that I didn’t think I’d have to adjust to.

Work? Don’t even get me started on work. My current job isn’t what I thought I would be doing after I got my Master’s. I am 100% a hand-on kind of person, and this job has me on the phone, computer and in meetings all day. Most of all, I love to work with children, which I hardly ever do. I suck at garnering support, raising funds, and talking people into what we’re doing. But it’s what my job requires.

I’ve had a dream for the last year or so that I could go into speech and linguistics working with children, perhaps in the public school system. Once my husband has graduated with his Ph.D. And that is no problem for me. I don’t mind waiting at all.

BUT in order for me to get to that point, I have to pull myself together, take off my diaper, and get to work.

Today has been an emotional day. I had another post all written up defending my actions (or lack of actions) regarding my work and my relationship with my husband. And then I started thinking. I really HAVE been slacking off at work. I haven’t been doing much of anything, and it came back to bite me in the butt. I have to deal with that fact, and I can’t complain about it any longer.

So, here I am. After a wonderful evening with my grillz palz, after a discussion with my husband. After perspective placed back nicely and neatly where it needed to be in the first place? Hopefully, things will start to change. Because I am going to change them.

We’ll see.